11 years have come and gone since my dad was with us. I hate to admit it, but after so many years, when the day comes, it’s almost a toss-up on whether I remember or not. A couple weeks ago just before the day I remembered, and by the time it came, it slipped my mind. I guess it’s not much different than trying to remember the birthday of someone you’re not in contact with anymore. That, and there’s no Facebook to remind me, hah.
It’s funny, because memories come and go throughout the year, but maybe as prevalent in my mind as those memories are the situations I experience day in and day out where I wonder how my dad’s presence might’ve changed them. I’ve mostly outgrown my tendency to dwell on the what-ifs, but even still they cross my mind here and there.
In honor of my dad this year, here is what could have been:
If he were still here, the relationship between my aunt and cousins and my mom wouldn’t be the mess that it is now.
If he were still here, my basement would probably be finished, either because he would’ve helped me (being the workaholic he was), or because I would’ve been a lot less shy about asking him what to do than I am to other people.
If he were still here, my mom would likely still be up in Akron, surrounded by her friends of 20+ years, with a full-time position in the post office, and not worrying about how much money she was making.
If he were still here, the relationship between my mom and his family wouldn’t be so shaky and sometimes sour. Who knows, maybe the next reunion would’ve been at our house.
If he were still here, our family probably wouldn’t be so divided over the holidays… even now I still don’t know what’s going to happen for Christmas…
The list could go on, of course.
I’ve spent all day reinstalling software on my computer and things are still not working right, so I’m feeling pretty grumpy.
I miss you dad and I wish you were still here, but I’m glad that your suffering has been replaced with joy.